Thursday, March 09, 2006

It is hard out here

Off to show those tee totaling Mormons how to jack it up in Park City, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

The United States lost to Canada 8-6 in the first round of the World Baseball Classic. That has to be the biggest shocker since “Brokeback Mountain” lost to “Crash” at the gay Oscars.

And celebrities wonder why we think they are weird.
On “The View” Donald Trump admitted that if Ivanka Trump wasn’t his daughter, he’d like to date her. To which Woody Allen asked; “So what’s the problem?”

Since you asked:
The most boring sentence begins with “I had the weirdest dream . . . .”

So, anyway, I had the weirdest dream last night. I was decorating a Christmas tree at Conan O’Brien’s studio hallway with Conan, and I was laboriously explaining a potential bit:

“You know how at Christmas time the lights are brighter, Christmas carols are playing on the stereo, the doorbell rings, the dog barks, as happy guests shriek delighted greetings and laughter mixes with the sound of ice clinking in cocktail glasses.”

“Then at five p.m. on Christmas day, the color drains from the world, the mood sinks and suddenly you are in a black and white movie filmed in cold war Warsaw in 1955 in a ratty coat standing in a bread line with a welfare coupon for a small piece of dried-up sausage.”

Conan just looked at me deadpanned and then said;

“OK, that’s an interesting concept, just work on it until it is something.”

Even his red pompadour seemed to mock me.