Monday, November 28, 2005

Oh we gonna bring it

Oh we gonna bring it til they sing about it, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers



On the job training


Heidi Fleiss is opening a brothel for women clients to hire male prostitutes. In a related story, air traffic controller just became the second most stressful job a man can have.


Heidi Fleiss is opening a brothel for women clients to hire male prostitutes. For men, this officially makes beer taster the second most embarrassing job to get fired from.



Not clear on the concept
Jessica Simpson and Nick Lachey have split up. When asked if there is any chance of a reconciliation, Jessica said, “No, I don’t believe in life after death.”


Jessica Simpson and Nick Lachey have split up. When asked if they might go to mediation, Jessica said, “No but I did once take yoga.”



Oops
In sad news, the perennial winner of the ugliest dog contest, Sam, passed away at age 15 in Santa Barbara. This dog was so ugly, when the vet tried to neuter him, they couldn’t tell which end was which and they gave him a face lift by mistake.


In sad news, the perennial winner of the ugliest dog contest, Sam, passed away at age 15 in Santa Barbara. This dog was so ugly they had to tie a pork chop around its neck to get a pit bull to play with it.


This dog was so ugly PETA wanted to shoot it.



Sentimental hogwash
It’s the time of year when I watch the great holiday movies like “It’s a Wonderful Life.” Here’s my question: when did Dick Cheney turn into Mr. Potter?”


President Bush watched “It’s A Wonderful Life.” Afterwards Bush said “Boy, that Harry Potter’s dad Mr. Potter sure was mean.”


Not good
Ex-FEMA head Mike Brown is going into business for himself as an emergency management consultant. That’s like Donald Trump becoming a hairdresser.
     

Yuck
On “Monday Night Football” John Madden serves Turducken. A Turkey stuffed with a duck stuffed with a chicken. You think that’s gross? This Thanksgiving Kirsty Alley served a Cowpigpossum.