November 11

Off the hook, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers



As usual
There was a husband and wife suicide bomb attack in Jordan but the wife’s bomb didn’t go off. As usual the man finished way too early.

So rude
A woman in Virginia was caught on surveillance tape robbing four banks while chatting on her cell phone. How does that work? “Hand over all your money or . . . oh, sorry, I have to take this.”

Instead of sneezing you chirp
I think I may be catching that bird flu; the other day I was watching TNT’s “Inside the NBA” and when I saw Charles Barkley, I had the urge sit on his head and hatch it.

A bad case of TB
On Fox NFL Sunday, they revealed that Louisiana named a highway after Terry Bradshaw. This highway is little different: you can only drive on it if your tires are bald.

This Terry Bradshaw highway is a little different. It’s the only highway in the country where it is legal to laugh hysterically at your own idiotic comments.

Here is my question about Louisiana’s Terry Bradshaw highway. If your wife is also your sister, does she count as two people for the express lane?

Greasy
On “Fox NFL Sunday” they repeatedly mocked how Terrell Owens greasy agent, Drew Rosenhaus, hogged the spot light at the press conference following T.O.’s apology by answering every single question with the words next question. Here’s my question: why didn’t anyone ask; “Is it true that only an idiot answers questions with the words next question?”

Now that’s hard

During the Minnesota Vikings pulled off a 24-21 win over the New York Giants, the Vikings 6ft 8 inch coach Mike Tice was cut down by a sprawling Giant and went down hard. In fact, that is the hardest anyone has hit on a Viking since the drunken boat trip.  


Not since then
The Baltimore Orioles have announced they will not re-sign disgraced steroid user Rafael Palmeiro. This is the biggest let down for Palmeiro since before he started taking Viagra.


Ugh. He did the right thing
The survivor-wife of the married suicide Jordan bombers, Sajidi Mubarak Atrous al-Rishawi, was arrested. Officials were curious why, when his wife’s bombs failed to detonate, the husband detonated his anyway. That is until Sajidi Mubarak Atrous al-Rishawi took off her veil.



Taking the p*ss, as the Brits say
The Rolling Stones have received rave reviews for their concerts up and down California. In the wake of the warm reception for Prince Charles and Camilla Parker Bowles, this has been a good time in California for old, rich ugly British men.


Ugly

You don’t think Hollywood is a fun town? Tom Cruise fired his publicist sister right before the Holidays. That should make for a fun Thanksgiving dinner. “Oh, speaking of turkey, which was a bigger box office turkey, Tom “Vanilla Sky” or “Magnolia”?


Midge
Madonna announced she is through with acting. Have you seen Madonna? She’s 47 and she looks great. If she wanted to, Madonna could go on making horrible movies for another thirty years.


Madonna has finally fully recovered from her bad horse riding fall on her 47th birthday in August; it was Madonna’s worst fall since the time she slipped off being on top of Dennis Rodman.



Bad sign
The Rolling Stones received rave reviews for their concerts in California. Did you know that, from orders straight from the band, no alcohol is served once the Stones start playing? That’s gotta hurt to know Keith Richards has just cut you off.