Let’s pull an Urlacher on their narrow behinds, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers


Stop that Mister persony person
At the Judy Garland museum in Grand Rapids, MI, a pair of the “Wizard of Oz” Ruby slippers were stolen. Police have issued an all-points-bulletin for Clay Aiken.

Latte years
A study reveals the coffee is loaded with beneficial disease fighting antioxidants. This explains why Mrs. Olsen from the old Folgers commercials is now 130 years old.


Nobody was hurt, but the family home of Green Bay Packer star Brett Favre was destroyed by hurricane Katrina. Witnesses say the winds were blowing harder than it is to correctly pronounce the name Favre.

Name game
Peerless Price was cut from the Atlanta Falcons. This is bad news for Price, now he has to change his name from Peerless Price to Run-Of-The Mill Price.

Raffy’s gone baffy
In Toronto, steroid-disgraced Viagra spokesperson slugger Rafael Palmiero wore earplugs to shut out the boos. At first Rafael tried sticking Viagra pills in his ears instead, but his ears got so big his batting helmet didn’t fit.

Hello stonedness my old friend
Singer Art Garfunkle was charged with marijuana possession for the second time in 19 months. When the police found the pot, Garfunkle tried to get out of it by saying it wasn’t pot but parsley, sage, rosemary and thyme.

Ahhhhnold
Arnold Schwarzenegger’s Santa Monica restaurant was shut down due to rats and roaches. They could have solved the problem earlier, but everybody thought Arnold was talking about himself when he said “Call the ex-terminator.”

Umm, no, Sir, that’s not what, oh forget it
It was awkward when the President was asked if he thought not meeting with Cindy Sheehan galvanized her demonstration, President Bush said; “I ain’t no gynecolologist, but I hear women her age need to get their demonstration galvanized once a year.”


Since you asked;
You folks don’t believe me about my stories about the psycho soccer moms around here but it is true.

I was driving with Virg and Ann Caroline and I told Virg about how, a couple of days before, I had seen this 40-ish women in her SUV on her cell phone – of course - at the Ralphs grocery store driving around the parking lot; suddenly she gets furious she can’t find a spot and stomps on the accelerator and screeches around three turns with rows filled with people and their little kids. Getting agitated all over again just thinking about what this vile woman did and how I wanted to yell at her, I told Virg;

“Just then, I found a parking spot, jumped out and looked all over for her but I didn’t find her. Man, I was really going to let her have it.”

“That’s very nice, ” Ann Caroline said from the backseat.

“What’s nice?” I asked.

“That you were going to let her have it. Have your parking spot.”