Tuesday, July 12, 2005

We are wit’ ‘dat, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

Assist to O’Snickity Snake
Former stripper and New York Met pitcher Chris Benson’s wife, Anna Benson, was kicked out of the World Series of Poker for swearing. Anna also said, if she caught her husband cheating on her, she would sleep with the entire New York Mets organization, which brought new meaning to the poker term; “Going all in.”

Former stripper and New York Met pitcher Chris Benson’s wife, Anna Benson, was kicked out of the World Series of Poker for bad language. It seems, when you lose, you can’t yell “We’ll I’ll be a filthy gold digging whore” even if it’s true.


A sure sign
The forty-something author “How Stella Got Her Groove Back” Terry McMillan is having her marriage to her 20-something husband annulled because it turns out he’s gay. She figured out he was gay when he appeared on Oprah and jumped on the couch yelling “I’m in love, I’m in love.”

Good cover
The new novelty in France is dining in total darkness; good idea, this way the French waiters have an excuse to ignore everyone.


The new novelty in France is dining in total darkness; This dining in darkness isn’t new in Paris, is it? How else can you explain the snail dish escargot?

Already there
There were four gorings at the Running of the Bulls in Pamplona Spain. It was initially feared that the victims suffered severe brain damage due to their injuries, but then they realized that if they ran with the bulls, brain damage was a preexisting condition.


Weighty study
A new study has found that obese people can lose more weight by walking slowly, than by jogging. It’s also a lot easier on the infrastructure.

A new study has found that obese people can lose more weight by walking slowly, than by jogging. That’s bad news for Nike. They were just about to launch a new running shoe for the obese: the Air Kirsties.


Poor Brad
Brad Pitt was hospitalized with flu-like symptoms. Unofficially, the rumor is that Pitt is suffering from a new form of sexually induced exhaustion called: getting Angelina Jolaid.

I.e. normal
Because L.A.. has the second biggest bus service in the country, passengers have been instructed to look out for suspicious looking people at the bus terminal. Incidentally, suspicious for a bus terminal means anyone who doesn’t look scary or crazy.

Take a pill, Russ
The rumor is that Russell Crowe is going to start his own production company because Crowe’s become so belligerent, nobody wants to work with him. When asked to comment, an assistant to Russell Crowe said; “Man, these head wounds sure do bleed like crazy.”

The rumor is that Russell Crowe is going to start his own production company because Crowe’s become so belligerent, nobody wants to work with him. When asked to comment, an assistant to Russell Crowe said; “I swear I got this black eye from walking into a door. Psst. Help me.”

The rumor is that Russell Crowe is going to start his own production company because Crowe’s become so belligerent, nobody wants to work with him. I think it’s true, the name of Crowe’s company is “Why I oughta . . . productions.”

For the fierce
Warner Brothers announced that will release a three-disc DVD set of “The Wizard of Oz” for $40. For five bucks more, for guys still in the closet, the DVD of “The Wizard of Oz” is also available with a “Girls Gone Wild” cover.