Friday, July 01, 2005

Check out the big dogosity on us, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

Not good
There was a third shark attack in Florida. To show you how bad it is, thousands of morons are trading in their pitt bulls for Florida sharks.


Noted
In honor of his last appearance at the British Open at St. Andrews, Scotland is putting Jack Nicklaus on a five pound note; in a related story, they are going to put John Daly on the 336 pound note.


Lucky dogs
Despite a series of losses, the San Diego Padres lead increases to 4.5 games. No matter how much they lose and screw up, the Padres continue to move ahead in their division: it’s called the Ben Affleck affect.


Ben Affleck married his pregnant girlfriend Jennifer Garner. If it’s a boy they are going to name the child Bennifer, if it’s a girl they’ll call her Jenjamin.


That last thing
Tomorrow begins the Tour De France with Lance Armstrong going for seven in a row. Why do we Americans admire Lance Armstrong so much? Is it because of his miraculous comeback from cancer? That’s a factor. Lance’s amazing toughness and athletic ability? That’s part of it. Is it because, when Lance wins the Tour de France, it infuriates the French? Bingo.

Lame
Last week, Russian President Vladimir Putin made off with New England Patriot owner Bob Kraft’s Super Bowl ring. When the Russian President is in Washington, President Bush insists he stay at the Ritz Carleton. That way Bush can endlessly repeat his “Putin on the Ritz” joke.

Inflation
During their engagement in Paris, Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes ran up a $30,000 room service hotel bill. $30,000. Faking a relationship isn’t as cheap as it used to be.

No Shielding Tom
Brook Shields fired back at Tom Cruise’s “Today Show” anti-drug-for-depression comments calling it a “ridiculous rant.” Shields really is furious. In fact, if she runs into Cruise at a restaurant, she has half a mind to knock him right out of his booster seat.

Brook Shields fired back at Tom Cruise’s “Today Show” anti-drug-for-depression comments calling it a “ridiculous rant.” Shields is pretty steamed. She said if she was Katie Holmes she would have placed Tom in a time out.

Shields is pretty upset at Tom Cruise. They ran into each other at a restaurant and Shields wouldn’t even get Tom’s coat off the coat rack for him.