Who does this guy think he is?
President Bush has dismissed practically his entire White House team. Who does this guy think he is, Kobe Bryant?
Scott Peterson awaits his sentencing. I’m not saying it doesn’t look good, but his attorney, Mark Garegos, asked to be paid today in cash.
It’s not looking good for Scott Peterson, today they took out the green bananas from his cell.
The New York State Athletic Commission has placed 42-year-old Evander Holyfield on indefinite suspension for "poor performance." I don’t want to say Holyfield is too old, but during his last fight, in between the rounds, when he spit out his mouthpiece, his teeth came with it.
That’s too bad, they already had the title for Evander’s next Las Vegas fight: “The Geezer at Caeser’s”
How old is Evander? Will he ever don his boxing trunks again? Depends.
On E-Bay, there was a grilled cheese sandwich for sale with the image of the Virgin Mary on it. Bids were up to $22,000. And for $3.99, there was also a cucumber for sale with the image of Paris Hilton.
Oh, snap, I know you didn’t say that . . .
The opening of the Clinton Library in Little Rock Arkansas was met with rain. That’s OK, the rain helped the interns get the stains out off their dresses.
I called the Butterball turkey hotline. You know who answered? Ralph Nader.
Folks, be careful this Thanksgiving. You have a few beers watching the games, you eat all that turkey with that sleep-inducing tryptophan, next thing you know, you’re talking like Anna Nicole Smith.
The government recalled 800,000 Bowflex exercise machines. 800,000. Do you have any idea how much drying laundry will now have to be moved?
Do I want that?
Have you heard about Hardee’s new Monster Thickburger? Two 1/3 pound patties, four strips of bacon, three slices of cheese, butter and mayo. I’m not sure about their ads for it:
“Eat just one Monster Thickburger and you’ll feel like the Vice President.”