We straight ballin' up in here, Boo and, of course, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers
Viva la France and Las Vegas
*Have you ever been to the Paris in Las Vegas? To give you an idea how realistic things at the Paris are, I saw a two black jack dealers and a bellhop surrender to a German tourist.
This resort is so much like Paris, the American employees despise themselves.
The Paris in Las Vegas is amazingly realistic. You haven't lived until you've had a waiter ignore you at a $1.99 all you can eat buffet.
The curse is worse than we thought
*Researchers have found a document that proves baseball was not invented in Cooperstown but was played in 1791 in Massachusetts. That means that one of the first two teams to ever exist was the Red Sox and yet they still couldn't win the World Series that year.
Which one is the bride?
*The cowboy from the "Village People” - Randy Jones married a man named Will Grega. It was a beautiful wedding. The construction worker was the bridesmaid and the leather biker was the flower girl.
Say it ain't so, J. Lo
*Jennifer Lopez is engaged again, this time to singer Marc Anthony. Or as I call the couple: Marcifer.
They're having trouble picking a date. They can't find a date that Jennifer hasn't already been married on.
Thank heaven, there was a good couple of days there where J.Lo wasn't in the news. I got a little nervous.
Pamela Anderson, who was raised in Canada, became a U.S. citizen. Pamela is so proud she said, from now on, she is making everyone of her sex videos right here in the good ol' U.S.A.
*In New York, Courtney Love was in court on assault charges stemming from when she allegedly hit a guy with a microphone stand. I don't think Courtney is thinking straight; she pleaded not guilty by reason of all the illegal drugs she's on.
*A study reveals that getting fired does more psychological damage than getting divorced. This is not good. That means Omarosa is going to be even crazier than before.
What a shot
*Did you see that shot by Derrick Fisher with 0.4 left to beat the San Antonio Spurs 74-73? Point four of a second left. To give you an idea how quick that is, point four of a second is less time then it takes J. Lo to get engaged.
That is the fastest anyone has gotten off a shot since the L.A. porn stars returned from a month break.
The Los Angeles Lakers amazing last-less-than-half-second 74-73 win against the San Antonio Spurs prove that even selfish, spoiled brat primma donna's can win if they are blessed with way more talent than they deserve.
Since you asked:
Why do I hate the Lakers? Let me count the ways. Kobe Bryant, as I have found out in articles in ESPN magazine and Sports Illustrated, is part of that group that deserves that special section in hell, near the kitchen, normally reserved for terrorists and snotty waiters, and that is that especially ugly group, like Madonna and Martha Stewart: the privileged wealthy who treat hired help like dirt. And supposedly Kobe's "wife" is even worse than he is. Somebody needs to remind her that just because she hooked a famous rich jock, it doesn't obviate the fact that she is, and always will be, a cheap, trashy, gold-digging tramp. Granted, a very successful cheap, trashy, gold-digging tramp, but a cheap, trashy, gold-digging tramp all the same.
Shaq is just big. That's all. If you were that big, you could be Shaq too. Huh? And what is with that mumble interview technique of Shaq's? You know what I mean. The one where he talks like he just got out of the dentist and his lips are numb. Oh, but put Shaq in a commercial and now he is Mister Enthusiasm. It's amazing what getting paid will do for one's pronunciation.
And Phil Jackson? This is a guy, unlike, Pat Reilly, who is smart enough to know that, despite his huge ego, a coach can't win without the very best players in the league on his team. That being said, Phil, please, enough with the Genius Guru B.S. It's amazing what having Michael, Shaq and Kobe on your teams does for a coach's I.Q.
And the endless Laker courtside movie stars? What a pathetic bunch of jock sniffers. Jack Nicholson and all the others are obviously trying to compensate for being hung by their tighty-whities from the locker hook by the high school jocks.
That being said, if somebody gave me courtside seats to the Lakers, I would be there so fast it would scare an intelligent expression on Gary Payton's face. Well, maybe not that fast . . .
There is something about the Los Angeles Lakers that is like that really rich party guy in high school who plays it so fast and loose, glib and cocky because he knows, no matter how bad he screws up, he is, when it is all said and done, set for life. Yes, it's part envy. Yes, it's a tiny bit of admiration for the luck they always seem to make. But mostly it is just plain old fashioned bile-producing, bitter contempt.
And that's how we play; "I will never, ever, be as talented or rich as any of the Lakers, but I can still insult them."
Karl Malone? Now, I like the Mailman.