We getting’ our freak on up in here, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers
And who can blame them?
The U.S. is becoming frustrated with the Shiite Muslim religious leaders in Iraq. Why, just yesterday, a State Department official could be heard saying; “Holy Shiite, Iraq is a mess.”
Makes more sense
*The Pentagon has declared Saddam Hussein a P.O.W. P.O.W. doesn’t stand for Prisoner of war, no, in Saddam’s case P.O.W. stands for Pathetic Oily Weasel.
Is it just me?
*NBC has a new hit that features a bunch of mogul wannabes who vie to work for Donald Trump. It’s called “The Apprentice.” Is anyone else like me or am I the only one that, every time I see Donald Trump, the words “Pompous Schmuck” pop into my head?
*Good news. Homeland security secretary Tom Ridge has lowered our threat level from orange to yellow. Maybe I’m just a romantic optimist, but I’m hoping that, on Valentines Day, Ridge moves us to level Pink.
*During the debate, Al Sharpton forced Howard Dean to acknowledge that no blacks served in his cabinet during his 12 years as Governor of Vermont. Of course, that might have something to do with the fact that there aren’t any black people in the entire state of Vermont.
Not one black person in the Vermont cabinet? What a shocker. Next thing you’ll try to tell me is that there are no Eskimo surfing champions.
*Did you see the democratic debate? Man, there was a lot of whining. There was more whining at that debate than during an Eighth grade math quiz.
There was a lot of whining during the Democratic debates. There hasn’t been that much whining since the Beverly Hills Starbucks ran out of non-fat milk.
That democratic debate made people proud to say that they are registered Independents.
Are you ready for some football?
*Man there was a lot of great NFL football over the weekend. There was so much great football Fox and CBS'a phone lines were clogged with San Diego Charger fans asking; “Exactly what sport are those guys playing right now?”
*After a great run Green Bay Packers had a brutal loss to the Philadelphia Eagles. There is nothing quite sadder than the sight of a grown man softly weeping while wearing a block of cheese on his head.
Did you happen to catch newly-retired Titans kicker Gary Anderson when New England blocked his field goal? Anderson scrambled for safety during the scuffle for the loose ball. He looked like the one guy in the Western movie bar fights who is trying to crawl to safety under the tables.
I’m pretty certain it was that wild pile-up for his blocked kick that convinced Anderson to retire.
How good has Payton Manning and his Indianapolis Colts offense been lately? In each of their last two games, the Colt’s punter was arrested for loitering on the sideline.
There hasn’t been someone who has been paid to do nothing more than the Colts punter since Gray Davis was recalled.
That’s just mean
To be honest, I think it’s kind of cruel the way the San Diego Chargers brass has been treating Drew Brees. They keep calling him and playing the song “Eli’s Coming” into the phone.
The Oakland Raiders offered their head coaching job to Pittsburgh’s Mike Mularkey and he turned them down., It’s too bad, because Mularkay has the perfect name to deal with owner Al Davis.
Did you know that Country Music Television ranked Hank Williams’ “Are you ready for some football?”as the second best moment in country music? The greatest country music moment was when somebody discovered you get a noise when you blow into an empty moonshine jug.
(Just kidding the Country Music fans, we know they can take it. Now, the Rap fans . . . )
Don't know about you Slats and Nuggies, but I cannot put down Pete Rose: My Prison without Bars" Some juicy stuff in there. Did you know that Pete does not, in fact, dye his hair orange? No, Clairol calls it Burnt Sienna.
And remember Reds owner Marge Schott? Well, let's just say she was one of Rose's more memorable hits, if you know what I mean . . .
(Just try and get that visual burned out of your mind's eye)