Saturday, December 18, 2004

We jingled our bells a mofizzle, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

A girl can only take so much
One of the president’s daughters, Jenna Bush, has announced she is going to teach English at a Washington DC elementary school. Apparently Jenna got frustrated and of trying to teach English to her father.

Not a good idea
Michael Jackson is throwing a big Holiday party at his Neverland Ranch. Is this really a good idea right now? It might not help Michael’s court case when they find out he has hung mistletoe over the playground.

Hate to hear that
Bad news for Elton John. At the “Gay British Singers With A First Name for A Last Name” gift exchange, Elton John drew George Michael instead of Boy George.

Elton John and George Michael are feuding. It’s serious, these two Divas’ catfight makes J. Lo and Mariah Carey’s spat look like Marsha and Jan Brady.

No question
Paris Hilton is dropping her last name. You can’t really blame her. Paris hasn’t gotten to where she is because of her silly family name or that stupid and cumbersome inheritance, no, for Paris it’s always been all about the talent.

Unchecked growth
Major League baseball’s attendance grew 5% in 2004. And that’s just the growth of the fans on steroids.

We kid the Paris
With the dollar down against the Euro it is really expensive to travel to Europe. To show how expensive it is, for a single guy, it is now far cheaper to get into Paris Hilton then Paris, France.

Well, yeah, there’s that also
What is the deal with these people who over-do their Christmas lights? Personally, I am a firm believer in the less-is-more school of lights because, A, I’m a fan of understated, subtle, minimalist art and expression, and B, I’m really lazy.

I have a three-part technique to putting up Christmas lights. One, plug in the string of lights, two, throw it on the nearest bush, three, open a beer and lie down and rest.

Just my opinion
The numbers for the NBA are down across the board: attendance, product sales, T.V. ratings. Ron Artest shouldn’t be beating up fans, he should be offering to wash their cars.

A small field of contestants
The Grammys announced they are going to have a new award next year: Best singer not having a fight with Elton John.

Since you asked:

We had the A.L.B.B. office Christmas party last night, and, oh my goodness . . . There was lots of drinking, dancing, then there were dirty jokes, followed by violence, vandalism and, although I can’t confirm nor deny, strong indications and rumors of sexual activity. The worst part? It was just me.

Badabooom! Lord help me, I love that stupid joke.

P.S. Do not watch Comedy Central's "Strangers with Candy" unless you plan on getting addicted. It is sometimes too funny to watch. Jerry Blank speaking to the school in the auditorium:

"You don't know what it's like until you wake up in a bathroom covered in, what you can only hope is, your own filth . . ."

And,

"High school is a lot like prison: they tell you what to do, when to eat, and if somebody tries to make you their b*tch, you stick 'em with a shiv in the shower."