Oh no you di’ . . .’nt, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

One from column B
A dog in Cambodia gave birth to a kitten; or as Cambodians call that: a combo plate.

So fierce
*Florida is bracing for monster storm Frances. First Gaston and now Frances? Apparently these storms and hurricanes are being named by those Queer Eye guys.

The storm Frances is the first time any damage has been threatened by something with the name France in it.

Let’s all get a grip
*During Dick Cheney’s speech, somebody held up a sign that said; “Cheney Rocks.” OK, it’s now time we re-examine what does and does not rock. Dick Cheney is a smart guy, Dick Cheney is a powerful guy, but if there is one thing Dick Cheney does not do, he does not rock.

Celine Dion rocks more than Dick Cheney.

Kobe walks . . . again
Charges were dropped against Kobe Bryant. Kobe said he wanted to thank his attorneys, his agent, his wife, but Kobe especially wanted to thank whoever the guy was his accuser ho’d around with afterwards.

Charges have been dropped against Kobe Bryant after his alleged victim refused to give evidence. Which is odd because, if there is one thing Kobe’s accuser can do, it’s open up.

Happy Birthday Material Granny
*We missed Madonna’s birthday when we were gone for the Olympics last month, August 16th, she’s 46. What do you give the woman who has everything? Well, besides penicillin or acting lessons.

Jolly Stomp
*The mighty New York Yankees lost to the Cleveland Indians 22-0, the worst loss in Yankee history. 22-0. Even our men’s Olympic basketball team is laughing at that weak Yankee effort.

Hey, don’t knock it, Snookums
*Dick Cheney made fun of John Kerry statement about leading a 'more sensitive war on terror,' as though al-Qaida will be impressed with our softer side. Hey don’t knock the power of the sensitive softer side. You can’t believe the damage a grown man can do with baby talk:

Baby talker: “Are you’s the mean widdle bad boy terrorists? Yes you was da mean widdle terrorists, coo kee chew chew.”

Terrorist: “Oh, for dee love of Allah, I quit, please be making him stop dat infernal baby talk.”

Clear this up
*The republican convention key speakers went from Arnold Schwarzenegger to Dick Cheney. One guy pumps up his chest, the other one’s chest has a pump.

Worse than, well, me. And I really stink.
Don’t you love all the bad dancing at the republican convention? There hasn’t been dancing this bad since the John Tesh/ Kenny G’s world tour.