What it is, what it is, what it is, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers
Just wait
*In an amazing comeback from a fall, US gymnast Paul Hamm won the first-ever U.S. men’s all-around gold medal. And if you heard Hamm interviewed, if you think he is tough now, just wait until he goes through puberty.
Gymnast Paul Hamm recovered from a fall to clear the parallel bars and the high bar, and, if you’ve heard him interviewed, he soon may even clear puberty.
Gymnasts Brett McLure finished a respectable ninth in the all-around. And afterwards McClure passed the drug-test despite testing positive for Rogaine.
Badminton to the bone
*Britons Nathan Robertson and Gail Emms won the silver in the Olympic mixed doubles badminton title. The mixed doubles in badminton is significant because it represents the only time the male badminton players get to be anywhere close to a female.
Like the rowers toss of the coxswain in the water, or baseball players’ champagne shower, the badminton players celebrate with the post badminton match tradition of being hung from a locker-hook by their underwear.
Pulled by a Tugboat
*In a touching interview, a choked up Tyler Hamilton produced a little red dog tag and dedicated his cycling gold medal to his recently departed golden retriever, Tugboat. They then aired a clip from the movie “Old Yeller” and the entire press conference had to admitted to the hospital for severe sobbing-induced dehydration.
Since you asked (On the sappy side)
In this year’s Tour de France, Tyler Hamilton had to withdraw after a nasty fall due to a probable cracked rib and two severe contusions in his back. But those close to Tyler Hamilton – the same man who finished the Tour the year before over cobblestones with a busted collar bone – know the real reason that Hamilton withdrew was not because of any broken bone – something as small as a broken bone couldn’t stop Tyler Hamilton – no, my man Tyler withdrew because of a broken heart.
You see, Tyler’s best friend and constant companion, a golden retriever named Tugboat, had just died of cancer. Tyler could ride with a lot; Tyler could ride with searing pain; he could ride up the Alps with severe dehydration; Tyler could ride with mind-crippling fatigue, but he couldn’t ride without good ol’ Tugboat.
As someone who grew up thoroughly believing that the ultimate, be-all, end-all accomplishment would be to win an Olympic gold medal, it was a lesson in perspective; Tyler Hamilton’s gold medal, although a truly outstanding achievement by any measure, was, in the end, merely a temporary salve for a broken heart in honor of his best friend.
Good job, Tyler. Somewhere up there a furry golden tail is wagging like crazy. Great job, Tugboat.
Cue the song:
He danced for those at minstrel shows
And county fairs throughout the south
He spoke with tears of 15 years
How his dog and he traveled about
His dog up and died, up and died,
After 20 years he still grieved
“Mr. Bojangles”
I think I'll take my two beasts, Kasey and Wrigley, to the park for a well-deserved Frisbee toss.
Just wait
*In an amazing comeback from a fall, US gymnast Paul Hamm won the first-ever U.S. men’s all-around gold medal. And if you heard Hamm interviewed, if you think he is tough now, just wait until he goes through puberty.
Gymnast Paul Hamm recovered from a fall to clear the parallel bars and the high bar, and, if you’ve heard him interviewed, he soon may even clear puberty.
Gymnasts Brett McLure finished a respectable ninth in the all-around. And afterwards McClure passed the drug-test despite testing positive for Rogaine.
Badminton to the bone
*Britons Nathan Robertson and Gail Emms won the silver in the Olympic mixed doubles badminton title. The mixed doubles in badminton is significant because it represents the only time the male badminton players get to be anywhere close to a female.
Like the rowers toss of the coxswain in the water, or baseball players’ champagne shower, the badminton players celebrate with the post badminton match tradition of being hung from a locker-hook by their underwear.
Pulled by a Tugboat
*In a touching interview, a choked up Tyler Hamilton produced a little red dog tag and dedicated his cycling gold medal to his recently departed golden retriever, Tugboat. They then aired a clip from the movie “Old Yeller” and the entire press conference had to admitted to the hospital for severe sobbing-induced dehydration.
Since you asked (On the sappy side)
In this year’s Tour de France, Tyler Hamilton had to withdraw after a nasty fall due to a probable cracked rib and two severe contusions in his back. But those close to Tyler Hamilton – the same man who finished the Tour the year before over cobblestones with a busted collar bone – know the real reason that Hamilton withdrew was not because of any broken bone – something as small as a broken bone couldn’t stop Tyler Hamilton – no, my man Tyler withdrew because of a broken heart.
You see, Tyler’s best friend and constant companion, a golden retriever named Tugboat, had just died of cancer. Tyler could ride with a lot; Tyler could ride with searing pain; he could ride up the Alps with severe dehydration; Tyler could ride with mind-crippling fatigue, but he couldn’t ride without good ol’ Tugboat.
As someone who grew up thoroughly believing that the ultimate, be-all, end-all accomplishment would be to win an Olympic gold medal, it was a lesson in perspective; Tyler Hamilton’s gold medal, although a truly outstanding achievement by any measure, was, in the end, merely a temporary salve for a broken heart in honor of his best friend.
Good job, Tyler. Somewhere up there a furry golden tail is wagging like crazy. Great job, Tugboat.
Cue the song:
He danced for those at minstrel shows
And county fairs throughout the south
He spoke with tears of 15 years
How his dog and he traveled about
His dog up and died, up and died,
After 20 years he still grieved
“Mr. Bojangles”
I think I'll take my two beasts, Kasey and Wrigley, to the park for a well-deserved Frisbee toss.
posted by Alex at
12:14 PM
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