So he really is a gambler
*Kenny Rogers is having a kid at 65. You know how most baby’s first word is Da Da? Kenny’s kid’s first word is going to be Santa.
Hey Kenny, when it comes to changing diapers, you got to know when to hold ‘em, know when to fold ‘em, know when to walk away, know when to run.
‘Tis the F’ing Season
Did you hear that Democratic candidate John Kerry went caroling? He sang; “We wish you an F’ing Christmas” “Silent F’ing Night”, and “Deck the Halls with F’ing Holly.”
Mon Ami, part 93
*France is furious at us about being banned from re-building Iraq. This was the last straw. France was already furious at us for dangling a fake “Joe Millionaire” in front of them.
There has to be something we can do about France being furious at us. What can we do about France being so mad at us? What can we . . . I got it. I know: We can not give a rat’s derrière.
Multi tasking clothes
*George Foreman is coming out with his own line of clothes. George is also coming out with his own line of car covers and tents. And guess what? It’s the same line.
You my Brown-eyed girl
*Singer Bobby Brown has been charged with beating his wife Whitney Houston. It was bad, Whitney’s face was bruised, her lip was swollen, and her nose was stuffed up and constantly running. Oh wait, her nose was like that before he hit her.
*It turns out right after his all-terrain accident, Ozzie Osbourne stopped breathing and had to be resuscitated mouth-to-mouth by a security guard. The good news is Ozzie is probably going to be OK. The bad news is that, after resuscitating Ozzie, the security guard has to go into rehab.
After his all-terrain accident, Ozzie Osbourne stopped breathing and had to be resuscitated mouth-to-mouth by a security guard. Doctors think Ozzie will be fine and there won’t be any permanent brain damage. Here’s my question: How could they tell if there was brain damage?
Ozzie is confused and is slurring his speech. In other words, he’s normal.
Can’t touch this
According to "The Hollywood Reporter”, a sitcom is in the works based on rap star M.C. Hammer’s life. I think it’s called “Joe Hundred-aire.”
I think the M.C. Hammer show is called “Everybody Loves Payment.”
I think the M.C. Hammer show is called “The Simply Broke Life.”
*You know what makes a good Christmas present? A good case of wine. You know what would make a good present to the Santa Barbara D.A? A good case.
He shoots, he scores
*Kobe Bryant is the number one vote-getter in the Western Conference for the All Star game. It just goes to show, it doesn’t matter how well you dribble, it’s how much you score.
What are the odds?
*This was in the news. A woman cut off her husband’s penis while he was sleeping after she got a phone call from another woman. The amazing thing? The woman who called was Lorena Bobbitt.