Monday, November 17, 2003

I’m gonna leave here runnin’ ‘cause walkin’ most too slow, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers


Betty, you can call me Al
*My name is Alex Kaseberg, but you all can just call me Master and Commander.

*Have you seen “Master and Commander?” It was wild; there was great tactical maneuvering, fierce fighting, and epic battles. And that was just me in the theater parking lot trying to find a spot.

His Royal Hind-ness
*Prince Charles is still battling rumors of a homosexual affair. When asked if he wanted to hear a plan to end the gossip, Prince Charles replied; “I’m all ears.”

Stroke
*The International Olympic Committee actually announced that they will allow transsexuals to compete in the Olympics. This is good news for the rowers considering going from the coxed pairs to the coxless pairs.

Too much
*The courts ruled that accused September 11th terrorist Zacarias Moussaoui may not represent himself in court. Good idea. It’s OK to represent yourself and have a fool for a client, but if you have a fool, a murderer, a coward and a schmuck for a client, that’s a bit too much.

Rush to judgment
*After rehab, Rush Limbaugh was back on his radio show today. Rush was quiet, contrite and modest in his own loud, unapologetic and megalomaniac way.

As part of his recovery, Rush has been encouraged to open up and confess his inner most thoughts. Today Rush announced he is hopelessly and helplessly in love with Hillary Clinton.

Richard Hit?
*Dick Pound, the president of the World-Anti Drug Agency, or WADA, said major league baseball’s drug policy is a joke. I’m not sure about that, but I do know that it’s a joke having the president of a group called WADA named Dick Pound.

The President of WADA is Dick Pound? Who is the vice president of WADA? Jack Mehoff?

And action
*The New York Post claims Paris Hilton stars in ten sex videos. But instead of her real name, she used a porn name. Yeah, instead of Paris Hilton, she was France Hotel. Pretty clever.

*The guy in the Paris Hilton sex video, Rick Soloman, is suing the Hilton’s claiming he had no idea he was being filmed. You’d have thought the five release forms Paris made him sign before they had sex might have been a clue.

Apparently Rick thought that when Paris yelled, “Cut” she was referring to his circumcision.