Monday, October 27, 2003

We got some serious smoke and fire around here, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

Rest assured
We know that a lot of people around the country are concerned due to the horrible Southern California wildfires. We just want to assure you, we are pretty sure Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez are fine.

That makes sense
The fires in Southern California are out of control. In keeping with his past track record, Governor Gray Davis has ordered thousands of gallons of gasoline sent to the scene.

Not there yet
Poor Arnold. He’s trying, but I am not sure he gets it yet. Today Governor-to-be Schwarzenegger flew to the scene of the brush fires and ran around yelling: “Cut! Cut! Tell the special effects guys to cut the fire!”

Here’s the good news
The one bright spot is that it is so smoky in San Diego they can’t smell how much the Chargers stink.

Note of interest
It’s that time of season, productions of “The Nutcracker” are popping up all over. Incidentally, “The Nutcracker” is a ballet; it is not the Hillary Clinton biography.

And the author of “A Little Bit Bad”
These airport security guards are cracking down on anyone who makes a joke about security. If you are going through the security check, you cannot make any kind of a joke. So, basically, comedian Tom Green and the writers of “Friends” never have anything to worry about.

What more proof, besides Madonna’s career, do you need?
The Florida Marlins have won two World Series in their mere ten years of existence. To which Chicago Cubs and Boston Red Sox fans point to as absolute proof there is no such thing as divine intervention.

Good losers
After the New York Yankees crushing loss to the Florida Marlins in the World Series, sympathetic Chicago Cubs fans offered three words of condolence to Yankee fans: “Neener neener neeeeener.”

When the director yells cut, Whitney thinks he means chop-up the cocaine
*Whitney Houston and husband Bobby Brown have announced that they will release a full-length feature film together. I think it’s called “Dude, Where’s My Lawyer?”

Since you asked:
It is apocalyptic around here. We are safe for now, but I am getting reports of two friends whose houses were leveled. About twenty groups of our friends were evacuated last night, but I here they are fine. Mostly folks in Poway, which is ten miles west and five miles south. One close friend knows that three of his neighbors lost their houses. They haven't been allowed back in to check, but their phone machine still works, so that's good news.

Scripps Ranch, which is a very nice upscale bedroom community ten miles due east of here, was mostly leveled. 150 homes destroyed. The aerial photos show it's a charred chimney graveyard.

It is so smokey you can't go outside without coughing. The streets and parked cars are lightly to moderately dusted in ash. And here is the good news. NO FRICKIN' AIR TANKERS CAME ONCE.

The air tankers were already engaged in L.A. and San Birdooo-way. (San Bernadino) And get this: A lot of the air water tanker planes were taken down for the year for their annual maintenance. Some genius decided the fire season was over.

Sunday morning my biggest concern was if the Ocean was too cold for an after-run swim.

Sunday afternoon my concern was for the safety of my evacuated East County friends.

Sunday night I was worried we would have to evacuate.

Not that we are in immediate harms way, but with these hot, dry Santa Ana Diablo winds and the tinder-box-like dry brush, literally nobody is safe.

Any folks outside California, keep this in mind the next time it snows or rains for a month straight.

We had our adopted family in town from Chicago for a wedding. You know the old joke-toast, "I would rather be with you people than the best people in the world?" Well, this family might actually be the best people in the world.

All weekend long, we had a blast and all they could talk about was how great it is to live here in San Diego. By Monday, they were desperately trying to get the hell out.

Suddenly some poor schmuck fouling up a foul ball doesn't seem like such a big deal.

A big differance
After their second straight World Series loss, Yankee owner, George Steinbrenner, is rumored to be on a rampage. Yankee insiders say that, right now, the only difference between Saddam Hussein and Steinbrenner is that there might be some people, somewhere, who actually like Saddam.