Thursday, October 09, 2003

We all up on outta this here beeeeyaaatch, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

How far did it fly?
*The Chicago Cubs beat the Florida Marlins 12-3. How about that Sammy Sosa home run? I have been on flights that served a meal that didn’t fly that far.

What a weasel
Did you see that first row fan blow that easy Cubs out by interfering with the Chicago Cubs catcher Paul Bako? After the series of violent drunken fan-related on-field incidents, in that instance, the coach should be allowed to charge the stands and beat up the fan.

Did you hear what the fans chanted at the idiot who blew that out? Maybe I didn’t hear it right, but why were they calling him ash old?

Alcohol abuse
Did you see that left field fan throw a beer at Florida Marlins outfielder Jeff Conine? The fan was justifiably tossed out. Not for throwing it at Conine, but for wasting an entire beer. If it had been a coke, he could have stayed.

Good question
The state of Florida consists entirely of Boston, Chicago and New York retirees. Who is pulling for the Florida Marlins? Exactly seven people: Six busboys who restock the buffet at the early bird special and a shuffleboard coach.

The Chicago Cubs travel to Florida for two games. It is hard for me to picture the Cubs in Florida: Sammy Sosa in a ratty bathrobe slumped in an easy chair dozing to “Matlock” while Kerry Wood and Mark Prior play cribbage wearing pork pie hats, Bermuda shorts and black socks. Can’t see it.

Not the Gropinator
Arnold Schwarzenegger’s first move as governor? Officially changing the title of Governor to The Governator.

Poor Gray
The question is, what is Gray Davis going to do now that he is out as governor? My guess is he will take that dynamic personality and start a career as a motivational speaker.

The question is, what is Gray Davis going to do now that he is out as governor? My guess? He should release his speeches on a CD and market it as an insomnia cure.

Double Jeopardy
The Columbus Blue Jackets opened the season at the Atlanta Thrashers. “I’ll take two National Hockey League teams I’ve never heard of for 100, Alex.”

Not me
Roy Horn of Seigfreid and Roy is reportedly doing better. Did you hear what Roy first said after the attack? “Don’t kill the tiger.” My first words would have been; “Make him into a rug.”