Friday, September 12, 2003

Badder and downer than a Mofizzle, my burizzles and Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

Even the Flintstones had a rock house
*An Arizona man has been evicted from a cave in a national forest that he’s been living in for the past 11 years. The worst part? They aren’t giving him any of his cleaning deposit back.

How do you get evicted from a cave? Were the neighbors complaining about too much noise?

Poor guy has no cave, no home, no place to go, he has no choice but to come here to California and get his driver’s license.

What a good idea . . .
We now have a law in California that any illegal immigrant can get a driver’s license in California. Because our highways weren’t quite messed-up enough.

Traveling in style
Did you see that guy who shipped himself in a wooden crate from New York to Dallas? He now has so many frequent flyer miles he can upgrade to a metal crate.

In addition, the temperature in Hell has plummeted
*The Chicago Cubs announced playoff tickets for possible playoff games at Wrigley Field go on sale Sunday. In addition, fans in the upper deck should beware of low-flying pigs.

Bennifer Lofleck update
*Rumor has it that the J. Lo Ben Affleck wedding postponement is due to J. Lo’s lingering anger over Ben’s alleged intimate stripper encounter. Ben replied that there is no truth to that, and then asked if anyone could break a $100 dollar bill into one hundred ones.

And now they're having trouble finding a future date that doesn’t interfere with all of J. Lo’s future weddings.

How sick are you?
*Sports fans, is anyone else as sick as I am about hearing about Ohio State’s suspended running back Maurice Clarett? How sick of it am I? I would rather hear more about J. Lo and Ben’s postponed wedding, that’s just how sick.

Dream tent sold separately
*Barbie had been banned in Saudi Arabia; it seems Saudi Arabia’s religious police believe that Barbie threatens their morality. They are serious. Today Riyadh-Ken was sentenced to have his right hand chopped off. Big deal? If you don’t have genitals, why do you need a right hand?

Incidentally, is it just me, or what?*Saudi Arabia’s web site has a feature titled; “The War on Terrorism.” Saudi Arabia is declaring war on terrorism? Isn’t that like Anna Nicole Smith declaring war on white trash?