Friday, August 15, 2003

You been actin’ a little psychotic lately, Ty. What the hell? Why, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers?

(You wanna take care of Schmales? Cut the tendon behind his knee. His weight will go back and he won't be able to bring if forward. He'll push everything to the right. He'll quit the game)


No juice
*New York was completely and totally without any power; and I’m not just talking about the Mets’ hitters.

The good news about the Northeast blackout? No microphone could pickup and record any stupid comment by New York Giant tight end Jeremy Shockey. It was a nice break.

Jeremy Shockey called Dallas Cowboys coach Bill Parcells a “Homo.” Look for Jeremy’s appearance on the new Bravo reality show: “Queer Eye for the Stupid Guy.”

The city of Manhattan experienced a lengthy blackout, to which Mike Tyson remarked; “Big deal? I get ‘em every day.”

Say it isn’t vrai
*The French government declared a state of emergency after their three-week heat wave. This French heat wave is serious, there are even scattered reports of French people taking showers.

Nuts, fruits and flakes, the California bowl
*Among the hundreds of candidates for governor in California is a 100-year old woman, an old stripper, a porn star, a middle-aged action hero, and a diminutive washed-up TV star. And we actually wonder why the rest of the country thinks Californians are nuts.

*Did you hear about this porn star named Mary Carey running for Governor? Personally, I’d rather have somebody who’s been paid to screw rather than Gray Davis, whom we are paying to screw us

Kobe B
Former WNBA player Latasha Byears, who helped the Los Angeles Sparks to two league championships, is under investigation for allegedly sexually assaulting a former teammate. It’s serious, today Byears went diamond shopping with Kobe Bryant.