Saturday, August 02, 2003

Lord help me, I loves me my biscuits, I surely do, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

Once again, count me in
The reviews for the Ben Affleck, Jennifer Lopez movie “Gigli” are horrible. But that doesn’t matter, I don’t care if 98% of the film is a grainy video of an insurance seminar, any movie that features J. Lo in a lesbian scene, guys are going to go see.

A little anger management may be in order
Saddam Hussein’s daughters said their father was a loving Dad and Grandfather. Where Saddam needed a little bit of work was as a Father-in-law, seeing as how he had their husbands shot. Not exactly Father-in-law-of-the-year material right there . . .

So that’s why . . .
In “Entertainment Weekly”, Matt LeBlanc explains why he is going to star as Joey Tribbiani in a “Friends” spin-off. Why? I can tell you why: McDonalds isn’t hiring.

Not a good move
Tiger Woods has enjoyed so much success at the Buick Open in Michigan since dumping his Nike Driver in favor of his old Titleist driver, he may have gone too far; today he decided to go with his Titleist driver in favor of his limo driver.

Since you asked
Sports Illustrated’s number one sports movie of all time was “Bull Durham” and “Raging Bull” was number three; which just goes to show: you can’t make a good sports movie without a lot of bull. Personally, I think it is tragic how S.I. snubbed that 1986 classic “Windrider.” Sure, “Windrider” wasn’t exactly “Citizen Kane,” but did “Citizen Kane” feature windsurfing and a naked young Nicole Kidman? I don’t think so.

The greatest sports movie of all time? No question: “Brian’s Song.” Any movie that can get us rugged Chicago Bear fans to weep like jilted drunk debutants has got to be some movie. Remember, we Chicago Bear fans are the same fans who throw empty beer bottles at injured opposing players as they are carted off the field on stretchers. Not exactly the demographic that lines up for the Olympia Dukakis film festival.

Either that or “Hoosiers.” Go to any sports bar, stand up, yell “Hoosiers," then rip up a cocktail napkin and announce; “Coach stays” and then watch burly men well-up with hot tears.