Hey baby let me light your candle because, Momma, I’m sure hot to handle now yes I am, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

Got brass - but no class - in pocket
Did you hear this? Chrissie Hynde, lead singer of the Pretenders, said she hoped Iraq; “kicks our ass.” Even the French thought that was a stupid statement.

I guess this means the Dixie Chick, Pretenders USO tour is off.

The Pretender singer, Chrissie Hynde denied accusations that her statement that she hoped Iraq “kicked our ass” was hypocritical, then she put on her leather pants and attended a PETA protest.

It’s official
The stupidest celebrity comment about Iraq contest is now closed. Chrissie Hynde, lead singer of the Pretenders, said she hoped Iraq “kicked our ass.” Nice try, but even Anne Heche, using all of the little voices in her head, couldn’t top that one.

Even Anna Nicole Smith, fresh from getting her prescriptions filled, couldn't top that.

Think about it. It takes guts to be against this war. Something like 80% are in favor of the military action, so it takes guts to go against that. Everyone should admire the people who steadfastly stand for peace - except the hypocrites who protest violently against war.

But this moron Chrissie Hynde-end is not only for war, she wants Iraq to frickin' win. That means she wants our soldiers to lose. (OK, calm down, Lex. Go to your happy place. Picture Opie going fishing with Andy. Ease it on back down, Lexie, baby. Throttle her way back, Kasey. Inhale. Exhale. Happy place, happy thoughts.)

There should be consequences for saying something as stupid as Chrissie Hynde saying she hopes Iraq kicks our ass. And, in this instance, the consequence should be for Chrissie Hynde to repeat that statement to the families of the soldiers in the war.

Depuis vous avez demandé (Since you asked)

There was a time when I considered making fun of France’s poor hygiene, their rude manners, their dubious military record, and snotty air as sort of a slightly provincial ethnocentric guilty pleasure. Why? Because, as Elton John sings of Spain, they say France is pretty, though I’ve never been. (“Daniel”)

Well, not any more my little smelly, hairy snail and frog-eating friends, the gloves are off. Les gants sont de, mon ami.

In an insightful essay in “Time Magazine” Charles Krauthammer opines that the French do not support the Iraqi’s as much as they want to stop us from dictating world policy. France is plain old jealous – which looks and sounds like it started as a French word anyway – of our role as the world leader. Well, get over it, Pierre. What is French for Third World Country?

Make no mistake about it, folks, the French hate our guts. Like Iraq, we didn’t ask for this fight – albeit a hissy-fit kind of one - but we cannot deny it either. If Iraq is the gun-toting biker crack-dealing wife-beaters who have to be dealt with by the authorities, then France is merely the snotty, stuck-up neighbors who own way too many cats, don’t mow their lawn and play loud accordion music late at night. Forgetting that they exist is probably the best policy. But, whatever you do, do not invite them for dinner, or buy anything at their garage sale.

But that doesn’t mean we can’t laugh at the French.

Isn’t it wonderful, Slats and Nuggies, when the guilt is lifted from a guilty pleasure? It will be like the day when I finally read that a new health study discovers that cheeseburgers and copious amounts of wine – domestic wine – are the building blocks of good health. And that is a cheeseburger with, of course, American cheese. Take that, Jacques!

Oh, and while I am at it, can we officially declare the affected, snotty and pretentious practice of using French words instead of English as officially mort, n’est pas? If the French have the word, trust me, we have the word, Slappy. Learn them. Like them. Live them.

And about those Canadians . . .