Wednesday, February 26, 2003

What up, B and Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers?

Ils n'ont rien, oui?
Right now, because they are opposing the U.S. at the U.N. there is a lot of anti-French feeling in this country. I’d just like to remind everyone that without France, we couldn’t, uh, well, for example, without France there wouldn’t be, um . . . how about those Lakers?

Tyson Chicken
I know what to do about Iraq. Send Mike Tyson over there and tell him that Saddam Hussein tastes like chicken.

Should feel about the same
Lance Armstrong has separated from his wife. Lance has already had a testicle removed, so he should be prepared for the upcoming divorce settlement.

Repeat, is not
Michael Moore’s `Stupid White Men,'' was named Book of the Year at the British Book Awards. The book is a diatribe against President Bush and the conservative movement, “Stupid White Men” is not the name of the Augusta Golf Course membership registry.

Perfect
Mike Tyson's facial tattoo was inspired by the Maori tribesmen to represent the warrior in him. Next Tyson will get a tattoo of the Planters Mr. Peanut logo on his face to represent the nut in him.

Sinking Clipper
Nike lost 33,000 basketball shoes as a result of a December spill from a container ship off Northern California. Most of the shoes should wash up on Alaskan shores. Except for the shoes that were going to the Los Angeles Clippers, they sank right away.

A classy Diddy
Sean ``P. Diddy'' Combs is opening a restaurant in Detroit. It’ll be a very classy place, before you can sit down you have to put your beeper and cell phone on vibrate and your guns on silencers.

Or Janet Reno
Did you see Harvey Firestein at the Grammys? He won the Most Closely Resembles a Clinton Ex-girlfriend award.

Sounds good over here
Iraqi leader Saddam Hussein says he would rather die than leave his country. That’ll work for us. Finally something we all can agree on.

One is loneliest number
According to a story in the L.A. Times, Robert Blake is lonely in prison. You know what you call someone who is lonely in prison? Out of cigarettes.

Robert Blake, star of the 1970s TV show ``Baretta,'' is getting his day in court in the preliminary hearing. Against his lawyers advice, Blake did a Barbara Walters interview. Asked if he would consider representing himself in court, Blake said; “I might take a shot at it.”

Show me the digits, Donald
There is a controversy as to whether actors should cash in on in their fame to air their political views. Some think it’s fine, others feel it is as unfair as if Sec. of Defense Donald Rumsfeld used a press conference to audition for “Star Search”.

Out on a limb
There is a controversy raging now as to whether entertainers - or comedy writers – should, ethically, cash in on in their media access to air their personal views. Well, for me, it is simply that I feel so strongly about this issue that it would be immoral for me not to say something, and here it is: The Chicago Cubs’ Ron Santo belongs in the Baseball Hall of Fame.

Since you asked:
Let’s review. Which specific famous individuals who have been out spoken against any U.S. military action against Iraq? To name a few, Saddam Hussein, Osama bin Laden, the nation of France, Madonna and Barbra Striesand.

Political beliefs aside, if you are anything like me - and for your sake, I hope you are not - I don’t care what the issue is, if Saddam Hussein, Osama bin Laden, the nation of France, Madonna and Barbra Striesand are all in agreement on anything, I am damn sure going to take the other side.

Or maybe we should all just wait to see what Britney Spears thinks we should do?