Saturday, February 08, 2003

We are all up in this here beeeeeaaaaatch, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

Bruin screwin' brewin'
UCLA lost to USC 86-85 keeping the Bruins in their nine game losing streak, the worst losing skid since 1940-41. How bad is it for UCLA? This team put the ruin in Bruin.

Not even as good as kissing your sister, especially in West Virginia
Chess great Garry Kasparov played to a 3-3 draw in his match against a chess-playing computer. Apparently baseball commissioner Bud Selig was the head official.

Say ahhhhh shhhhhhhiiiiiiiiii . . .
A Texas dentist, who ran over her cheating husband with her Mercedes twice, testified it was an accident. Sorry. You drive over an innocent pedestrian once, you may just be a real lousy driver. You drive over a cheating husband twice, you’re a really good driver who just killed her husband.

You know what they say: hell hath no fury like a scorned dentist in a Mercedes Benz.

Whatever happens, this is one dentist who won’t have any problem getting her patients to pay their bills on time.

Can you imagine being a patient of this dentist? “Floss or else. I have a Mercedes and I’m not afraid to use it.”

Since you asked:

Saw "How to Lose a Guy in Ten Days" last night with Kate Hudson and Mathew McConaughey. ("Really? Who did you sit next to, Matt or Kate?" An old joke, but I like it) How was it? About three days too long. Total chick flick, but, as my Grandmother Rodgers used to damn with feint praise; "It was right cute." In fact, therein lay the problem: cute premise, cute couple, cute jokes, cute, cute, cute, cute. Oh, and if the focus was any softer, I would have thought I was on acid.

I like Kate Hudson. First of all she only uses two names instead of three, unlike Sarah Michelle Geller, and Jennifer Love Hewitt. And neither of her names are weird like Charlize, Gwenyth, Sigourney, Tea, Tia or Lea. McConaughey seems OK, but ever since he was busted for pot while dancing around naked with some other naked guy, I have been forced to keep him at arm's length. Sorry Matt. Plus, there is something going on funky-like with McConaughey's hair. So far, I don't know what it is, but when I do find out, trust me, somebody WILL be standing tall before the man.

Major flaws in "How To Lose a Guy in Ten Days." First of all, why does McConaughey's character have a thick Texas accent when he supposedly grew up in Staten Island, New York? Next, McConaughey's character is supposedly an advertising sports wizard; so why does he refer to the 3,000 meter hurdles? There is no 3,000 meter hurdles. There is a 3,000 meter steeplechase, but no 3,000 meter hurdles. Maybe there is a 3,000 meter hurdles in the Get Naked and Stoned with Another Guy Olympics, but nowhere in Track and Field. And since when did Lilith from "Cheers" start a women's magazine?

The moral of this story? Guys, never let the woman pick a movie unless you are in deep, deep trouble. Came right home and hit a couple Kettle One martinis and then I was fine, thanks for asking.