Thursday, January 23, 2003

I got your back, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Rancher Dawgs

Move, Billy Bob, you’re crushin’ my smokes
A rare snowstorm has hit the southeast . Here’s how bad it is, in South Carolina cousins are getting into bed together just to stay warm.

What? Me lie?
The White House says Saddam Hussein has not been truthful during the weapons inspection. What did they expect? This is a guy who likes to torture people with acid, what difference does a little fibbing make to him?

So now it’s “Joseph Millionaire”?
The rumor has it that the “Joe Millionaire” guy is gay. I could have told you that, the guy is way too good looking to be straight. It’s part of the evolutionary process, real good looking guy equals gay, it’s nature’s way of providing the rest of us guys with girls.

The women contestants don’t care if “Joe Millionaire” is gay. They still think he is rich and $15 million can buy a lot of batteries.

What a shock. A gay male model, what are the odds?

Anything is possible . . . nah
Now that the Tampa Bay Buccaneers are in the Super Bowl, people forget that they used to be the joke of the NFL. So, who knows, maybe there is hope for the Cincinnati Bengals? Just kidding. What? You think I’m nuts? The Bengals will always stink.

As a franchise, the Tampa Bay Buccaneers turned things around when they dumped their swishy-looking pirate mascot to the cool skull and crossbones. Attention San Diego Padres: lose the dorky bald-fat monk

But the Dad is still nuts
The Williams sisters, Serena and Venus, will meet in the finals of the Australian Open. In other equally shocking sports news, an NBA game featured a lot of really tall, sweaty guys.

Next to being a weatherman in San Diego, being a sports reporter for tennis has to be the easiest job there is. You just copy and paste the words: “In women’s tennis, the Williams sisters advance to the finals; in the men’s division, Andre Agassi and Pete Sampras lost to two guys you’ve never heard of before. Now back to you.”

What? No.
There was a shocking occurrence at the Super Bowl today. A reporter asked Tampa Bay Buccaneer defensive lineman Warren Sapp a question, and Sapp had absolutely nothing to say.