Tuesday, December 24, 2002

Fall on your knees and hear the angel voices, oh holy Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

In the last three Decembers, the San Diego Chargers are 1-12. In fact right now, the Chargers are the coldest thing in all of sports, and that includes Ted Williams.

Have you seen the new Senate Majority leader Bill Frist? Maybe it’s just me, but put a cowboy hat on him and he’s Woody from “Toy Story.”

The cast of “Friends” has signed on for a tenth season. After ten years and the friends don’t have any new friends on “Friends.” Shouldn’t the name be changed from “Friends” to “Losers”? On a very special “Friends” next season, Chandler goes with Phoebe as she applies for her ARP card. On the tenth season on “Friends” the gang goes to the coffee shop where they all now enjoy a senior discount. These characters on “Friends” are getting old. Now David Schwimmer’s character Ross sometimes even forgets what it is he is whining about.

Have you met my friend we call Stewie Dogs? No? Well, that's because I don't have a friend we call Stewie Dogs. But I sure would like one. Maybe, if I'm good, I will get one for Christmas. Wouldn't a guy called Stewie Dogs be a fun hang? "Hey, it's your shot, Stewie Dogs." "Are you going to call or raise, Stewie Dogs?" "Hey, Stewie dogs, how do you like your steak?"(Stewie Dogs would like his steak medium-rare like all right-thinking folks) "Hey, Stewie Dogs, check out the Christmas bells on her" "I'll have a Kettle One martini with two olives, as long as you're buying, Stewie Dogs."

And trust me, a guy called Stewie Dogs is always buying. I had a roomate at U.C. Santa Barbara we called Lew Dog, but I haven't seen him in ages. Great guy. Just like Mitch Kumstein. So anyone out there who is willing to be called Stewie Dogs, let me know.