The bird is the word on Thursday, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

Let's all call the Butterball hotline and ask them what is the stupidest question they've heard.

The Segway scooter is now available to buy. This is the perfect item for the lazy dork on your Christmas list.They are very popular. Winona Ryder has already stolen two.

Florida State quarterback Adrian McPherson was dismissed from the team Monday for violating an unspecified team rule. I am shocked. I had no idea Florida State had team rules.

How bad did the San Diego Chargers play in their 30-3 loss to the Miami Dolphins? Today the coaches opted to see Madonna’s movie “Swept Away” instead of the game film.

An aide to the Canadian Prime Minister Jean Chretien reportedly called President Bush a moron. Bush shouldn’t be too upset, that’s only 63 % of an insult after the exchange rate.

A British pub chain was fined $7,850 after undercover inspectors caught a few patrons dancing at two of its popular bars. The crime: flouting licensing laws that ban "rhythmic moving." That’s one crime I will never commit. Rhythmic moving? You can bet the perps weren’t middle-aged white guys.

President Bush’s twin daughters are 21. How exciting, they can now go out to a bar for the first time and have their first drink. When asked how it felt to have their daughters be able to legally drink, Bush said; “Oh, they’ve been legally drunk lots of times.”

In the Tampa Bay Bucs 21-7 win over the Green Bay Packers, after an interception, Warren Sapp too a cheap shot that left tackle Chad Clifton numb and then celebrated over him. Proving, once again, that Sapp is the most appropriately named player in the NFL.

In the Lions 20-17 overtime loss to the Chicago Bears, Detroit coach Marty Mornhinweg won the overtime toss and gives the Bears the ball. That has to be the stupidest thing to happen on a football field since Ryan Leaf.

USC had a huge win in football over UCLA 52-2,1 Saturday. The USC students went wild afterwards. Well, maybe not wild, but there were several reports of fraternity members frolicking about with their Polo shirts completely un-tucked and their hair messed up.