Tuesday, October 22, 2002

Smack some stang in the thang, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

Did you hear they think they have found the burial box of Jesus brother, James? That had to be rough being the brother of Jesus. Just imagine the Christmas letter alone:

“Our oldest son, Jesus, as you know, is our lord and savior. Our second son, James, still lives at home, and we are, fingers crossed, hopeful he will find a job soon.”

I mean, that really had to be rough being the brother of Jesus:

“Jesus, could you run to the store and get some wine?”

“No problem, Mom, I’ll just turn the water into wine.”

“Oh, why thank you, Jesus. Did you hear that, honey, our son Jesus turned the water into wine. Umm, James, do you think you could you manage to set the table?”

Washington Redskins coach Steve Spurrier has switched quarterbacks again, this time going back to Shane Mathews after starting rookie Patrick Ramsey. Next week, Spurrier is going to try something new: whoever wins the Washington Redskin back-office employee-of-the-week gets to start at quarterback.

Congratulations and good luck to San Diego Torrey Pines High alum, Chad Hutchinson, who has been named the starting quarterback of the Dallas Cowboys. Chad switched to football after he spent four seasons with the St. Louis Cardinal’s organization where he once compiled an era of 27. Good move going back to football, Chad. There are pitching machines that have lower era’s than 27.

Let’s just say as a baseball pitcher, Chad was a tremendous quarterback, and we wish him the best.

Italian researchers have made a strain of pigs that carry human genes in their hearts, livers and kidneys. Don’t we already have that? It’s called Anna Nicole Smith.

Maybe it’s just me, but every time Barry Bonds steps to the plate, I feel like some huge machine should be shooting off electricity and a mad scientist should scream; “It’s alive.” You know why Bonds wears those turtleneck pullovers under his jersey? To hide the bolts in his neck.

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