Wednesday, February 20, 2002

A man was apprehended at LA International Airport trying to pass a bomb through security. The man was arrested and his script for “Glitter 2” was confiscated. Speaking of airports:

Flights out of Louisville International Airport were delayed Tuesday so passengers could be re-screened after a security employee fell asleep. It’s good to see that new Federal Employee training program is working so well so soon. In defense, the security guard’s attorney invoked the local Plumb-Tuckered-Out ‘N Nappin’ labor statuette.

In case you didn't know, an International Airport in Kentucky is an airport that flies into the land of Northern aggressors from that recent unpleasantness Yankees call the Civil War. (See now, I can say these things because I was born in lovely Louisville Kentucky and I can kid 'cause I care 'bout my Ol', soft, sweet, Kentucky home.)

A skater from Belarus has left the Olympics after a drug test found a steroid level 380 times the legal limit. They are serious about this hormone testing. If Tonya Harding were to compete today it would have to be in men’s division.

The Supreme Court ruled that students may grade each other's work in class without violating federal privacy law. What’s the big deal about another student grading your work? In high school I once let another student grade my work. It was the least I could do, after all, I made him write it in the first place. Brian Palmer, whevever you are, thank you.

Grading has changed. They got rid of F. Now the lowest grade you can get is E. It stands for Enron. Shnadabingdakaboom.

The Supreme Court is being urged to stop states from executing mentally retarded killers. This is very important because it will probably have an impact Mike Tyson’s future.

Kristina Koznick, the last skier left with a chance of preventing an Alpine medal shutout for American women, crashed out of the first run of the slalom. One American woman skier has fallen in every one of her runs. These women are falling down so fast, you’d think they were being coached by Monica Lewinski.

And that's all for now, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers. Anyone out there? Drop me a line.